So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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