READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
