I just threw up on my dentist
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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