I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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