$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
