can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize