I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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