Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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