This dress was meant to end up on your floor
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
