It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
