everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
