Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
