I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
