he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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