Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
