So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
