finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Randomize
