There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
