This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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