everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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