wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
honey bunches of taint.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
