I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
