i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
