I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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