we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
