Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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