I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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