This girl is more easily done than said...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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