Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
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