K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
