Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
