She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
