I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
