After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
