wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
