Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize
