I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
