There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
