Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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