one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
