Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
