fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
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i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
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I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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