weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She's the barista slut.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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