I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
