You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
