i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
