Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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