The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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