I skipped work to stalk him.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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