is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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