yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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