everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
