so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
