apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
