I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
