It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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