Me too!
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
