I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Acid is not a monday night drug
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
