I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Acid is not a monday night drug
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
