chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕