do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??