I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
His hands were made for my vagina.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Is this like a preordered booty call?