i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
