I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.