And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
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Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
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Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.