all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just found a bag of teeth...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
