btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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