how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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