She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
i am craving dick and cupcakes
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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