I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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