life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
