i jhust puked up my retainher.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
