never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
